so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
