dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
