I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
