dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
