so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
