You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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