You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
