we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
