Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
