i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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