did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
