it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
