your room smells of hookers.
And success
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
