even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
There are leaves in my underwear?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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