Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
