yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
