Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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