maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
