During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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