i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just invented taco cereal.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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