I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
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