The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
