..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
