drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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