i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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