i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
