you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
