yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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