I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
God, I missed his penis.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
