I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
