btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
