Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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