I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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