I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
