so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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