I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
