R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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