I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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