We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
