real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
