ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
