go do what you do best...puke behind churches
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
