My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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