Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
