I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
