it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
