We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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