I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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