You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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