What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
