And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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