i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
