The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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