were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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