I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
this just has baby written all over it
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
