What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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